Unposed

Outtake by the incredible Anna Haas.

Outtake by the incredible Anna Haas.

I have what I call PR brain. I don't do or say anything without thinking through how it will be perceived and fourteen potential outcomes to follow. It's a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it makes me very good at my job because I know how an audience will react to what a country singer's album cover looks like and what songs go on it, what a fashion designer writes on Instagram, or what a brand puts in their email newsletter, all down to every font, the subtlest difference in an expression, every lyric in a song. It's a curse because sometimes it's harder for me to just BE. It's not that the fear of not being liked keeps me from being myself so much as just being myself sometimes takes a lot of... consideration.

I am curated. 

Aren't we all these days? The newish conversation about how we share our dream lives and not our real lives on Instagram is already all too familiar. Everyone has a personal brand. And I can't complain about these things because they are, in large part, my business. And I love my work. 

But when it comes to my heart, well, I want my heart to be unfiltered. I want my soul to be free of that layer of consideration. I want to see myself and celebrate myself for what's truly there, the socially important traits and the lesser so. The flaws that aren't sexy or cool flaws. The struggles that aren't relatable. The victories that are mine alone. The parts of my story that don't make a "good story."

I did not pose for this picture. I will not pose for my life.