Five Things I Am Not

For the fifth month of the year I'll be sharing tons of FIVES lists. Better your life in ways you can count on one hand, right here on, all month long!

In my journey to love my imperfections, I thought it would be a step to share with you some of those things that on occasion make me feel like I'm missing something or was made wrong somehow.  These are the things that in certain groups or situations make you feel like you really, truly don't belong.  Instead of seeing these as flaws, I'm choosing to focus on what I do have that fills the place of the thing I do not.  I suggest you make a list like this - openly admit to yourself that you can't be everything you may aspire to be, or you can't be everything to everyone, but you can be one helluva YOU.

1. I'm not funny ha-ha.  I can't tell a joke without either getting lost in the middle or fumbling the punch line.  But I am clever, and occasionally something I say garners various levels of laughter.  When that happens I usually shout "GRAB A PEN!" so I can record the rare funny thing that was said, even if it will only ever be funny in that current context.  I'd give you an example but I assure you, you had to be there.

2. I'm not "girly."  I am feminine, definitely.  But I don't squeal and hug other women, especially when I saw them just yesterday or am going to see them tomorrow.  I think that's why I gravitated toward best friends who are the same way.  If I had joined a sorority, which I never even considered, I would have been the one random girl in black at the pink event, who rolled her eyes at everything.

3. I am not crafty.  I will not sew it, paint it, build it, restore it, or hot glue it.  Even the word DIY makes me cringe.  But I am creative.  I can talk with you for days about wardrobe and personal brand and brand voice and stories and words and language.  I write - for work and for fun.  I love to look at art in galleries or museums.  I appreciate beautiful things.  I create.

4. I am not the girl next door. "Normal" has never been in my vocabulary. To this you might say, "good for you!" but coloring outside the lines isn't always what people ask of me.  I had a relationship in the past where my uniqueness was charming until it didn't fit the dynamic this person craved, until it didn't suit the "ideal" lifestyle, until it out-shined someone who wanted to be shinier.  Here I call upon a favorite Marianne Williamson* quote, footnoted.

5. I am not fearless. There are things that terrify me.  I don't even want to list them here for that could somehow call them forth.  Suffice to say my fear landscape (Divergent reference) would have at least as many fears as Tris'.  And one of them would be singing on stage.  It's possible that there's nothing I'm afraid of more.  But I am brave.  Brave is the ability to act despite the presence of fear.  My fear rarely stops me from doing something challenging or bold.  (See: trapeze.) I'm still going to avoid karaoke.  

I was going to include "I am not goofy," but then this happened... Share one or five of yours in the comments below!


*From Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”